Formal Introduction Email
Subject : Self-introduction email
Dear Prof Brad,
This is an introductory email that describes a little about me. I am Casimir Chian, from your effective communication tutorial class 3 and a first year student studying in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering specializing in building services. Just like many other guys in Singapore, I have just completed two years of mandatory national service with Singapore Combat Engineer, serving as a boat commander. In addition, I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in Integrated Facility Management. My interest in engineering was first developed when I had my internship with a facilities management company where I was exposed to the systems that I had to manage in my building. I was deeply intrigued by how the different systems were able to work together to keep the building running and hence, here I am in Singapore Institute Of Technology to advance my studies.
Some of the communication strengths that I acquired from my experiences were active listening and speaking with clarity. I was fortunate enough that I was given the chance to work on those strengths in the army through the lessons I gave from time to time to a large audience. Also, there were times where I had to engage my men and it was often by being an active listener that I was able to understand their intentions and communicate effectively with them.
Meanwhile, my communication weakness will be the inability to craft good writings, especially to engage the reader. I am comfortable writing about the topic but often lack the essence to make the reader feel personally involved. I often write so much about a certain topic that it can be too lengthy and the reader will feel bored after a while. I certainly hope I can learn the skills to summarize my points properly and produce better works in the future.
As a matter of fact, I am already looking forward to your next class and excited to see my new confident self with effective communication !
Best regards,
Casimir Chian
Edited on 1 October 2021
Blogs comment on:
1. Houston (https://houstonnotfromtexas.blogspot.com/)
2. Qian Zi (https://qianzifan99.blogspot.com/)
3. Aceline (https://acelinee.blogspot.com/)
From my first glance this letter looks quite detailed, Casimir. I'll give more comments after your blogging buddies have done so.
ReplyDeleteHello Prof Brad! That is great, I will look forward to your comments soon.
DeleteHi Casimir! I have just read your formal introduction email is I thought that it was well written and informative :)
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you've written "Some of the communication strengths that I acquired from...." in the second paragraph of your introduction. I am not sure if you would agree with me but I was wondering if it should be "Some of the communication strengths that I HAVE acquired from..." instead? Do let me know your thoughts on it.
Hello Jane ! Thanks for the wonderful feedback and I certainly hoped you enjoyed reading it. That is a great observation by you but I think that is subjective to the context.
DeleteHi Casimir, I have read through your formal letter, finding it well written and informative.
ReplyDeleteI would say that the start would be better by addressing “professor” instead of “prof”. Also by adding a subject into the letter it would be recommended to bold it.
Hello Houston ! Thanks for spending time to read my letter and I certainly hoped you learnt something about me. I appreciate the feedback and yes, I agree with you on this. Perhaps, I could have used "professor" as it is the first formal letter written to him.
DeleteHello Casimir,
ReplyDeleteThis is a nice introductory letter. I believe we have similarity as I have a diploma in facilities management as well!
I appreciate how you utilized examples to support your stance and statement. This allow me to understand the points you wrote easier. It would be nice if you could improve on the sentence structure as I personally felt some sentences are rather long.
Have a great day ahead!
Cheers,
Kathleen
Hello Kathleen ! Thanks for the compliment and it is nice to see a junior from the same course. Yes, I agree with you on that and I will pay more attention to that in the future.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Casimir, I find your letter interesting, and it has great number of details and examples. The language used is also good. You kept the flow going and engaged the reader. But there is one minor error that I spotted in your first paragraph, last line. You wrote “Singapore Institute Of Technology” the preposition in the middle should be in small letters “of”.
ReplyDeleteHello Asher ! Thanks for the wonderful feedback and I certainly hoped you enjoyed reading the letter. That was a great observation by you and I am glad that you pointed it out. I will pay more attention to that in the future.
DeleteDear Casimir,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this richly detailed and fluent letter. You’ve covered the scope of the assignment well and managed to demonstrate quite a bit about what makes you special. Among others points, we readers learn that you have significant experience as a commander in the army which has helped you develop your communication skills and that your internship left an impresison on your and helped shape your goals.
It's also especially impressive in this letter that you see listening as being of value for someone in a leadership role. I applaud the idea of a leader wanting to establish clear channels of communication with those being led.
In the letter, you also do an admirable job explaining your perceived weakness in terms of writing succinct messages and texts that connect with the reader (which ultimately ties in with your module goals).
Beyond all this, I hope that you take the next few Zoom lessons as an opportunity to share more openly and more assertively with the class. We all need to hear your "voice."
In terms of language use, while this is a fluent effort, there are a few areas to take note of:
1. capitalization
-- overuse: studying in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering /
Singapore Institute Of Technology > Singapore Institute of Technology
2. sentence structure
-- I was deeply intrigued by how the different systems were able to work together to keep the building running and hence, here I am in Singapore Institute Of Technology to advance my studies. > ?
Once again, I appreciate your hard work for the module and your patience in awaiting my feedback.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for the wonderful feedback ! I am happy that you enjoyed reading my letter and I'll continue to do my best in the lessons to come. I have also taken note of your suggestions and will place more importance in them for future writings.
Best wishes,
Casimir